


You don't choose your family

by bridgestars



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bromance, Caught in the Act, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Feels, Fatherhood open to interpretation, Future Fic, Grumpy Donald Ressler, Humor, One Shot Collection, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, Red is Liz's father or Red just act as Liz's father, Red is Ressler's father-in-law, Ressler is in denial about Red being his father-in-law, Ressler is in denial about his kids being Red's grandkids, Sexy Times, The Wonderful Adventures of the Keenlerton Family, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:18:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bridgestars/pseuds/bridgestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is not easy when Raymond Reddington is your father-in-law.</p><p>
  <i>(AKA The Wonderful Adventures of the Keenlerton Family.)</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The one where Red wakes up Ressler and Liz on a fucking sunday

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for all the mistakes you’ll probably find.
> 
> *Some of them are based on [tumblr asks](http://bridgestars.tumblr.com/ask).

There’s someone knocking on his front door. At 6:45 AM.  _On a fucking sunday._

A few years ago he would have been ready to go to work since 5:30 am even on a sunday, although a few years ago he didn’t have a reason to stay in bed until noon. But that was then, right now the only thing he wants is to go back to sleep. Whoever is outside will have to come back at a decent hour, and after he has his morning coffee.

And everything is working just fine. He’s almost ignoring that annoying noise at the door that’s driving him crazy, but he can’t ignore a dog looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Go away, Hudson" he mumbles.

Clearly the dog doesn’t understand a word he’s saying, because one second later he’s sitting on his side of the bed.  _On him_.

"Oh, for the love of-."

He manages to get out of the bed without kicking out the dog, and as soon as he’s out of the picture Hudson takes his place right beside her and falls asleep. And she says he doesn’t hate him, that he’s imagining things.  _Sure_.

Well, now that he has been kicked out his own bed he could go and see what all the fuss out there is about. Although this better be important or he’s gonna shoot whoever is at the other side of the door.

Red’s smiling face is the first thing he sees when he opens.

"Go and put a t-shirt on Donald, no one wants to see you naked."

Ressler frowns and makes his best effort to not slam the door in his face.

"Whatever you want, the answer is no."

Red’s smile grows bigger and he tries to get inside the house, completly ignoring what he just said. And okay, after so many years he can put up with Red ignoring him when they’re working, he has been doing it since the first day, but he’s not gonna ignore him in his own house. Fuck no. To the hell with the good manners, he’s gonna slam the door in his face, God knows he deserves it.

But before he can close the door, Red stops it with one hand. Ressler is surprised for a second and has to admit that he’s stronger than he looks, especially for a man of his age.

"Come on, Donald. That’s not the way you treat your father-in-law."

"You’re not my father-" He tries to protest, but shuts up when he hears a noise on the stairs.

"What’s going on?" asks Liz coming down with Hudson right behind her.

As soon as he sees her Ressler gets angrier with Red, if that’s even possible. He has been doing everything on his power to let her sleep a few hours more. They have had an awful case this week and he knows she needs to rest, but now she’s awake because Red couldn’t wait until a normal hour to start knocking at their door.

"Good morning, sweetheart. How are you this fine morning?" says Red cheerfully.

"What are you doing here?"

"I tried to call you. We have a case."

"Her phone is in silence. It’s sunday, we were trying to sleep."

"Of course you were trying to sleep, Donald."

Red looks at him with a knowing smile and Ressler’s frown gets deeper.  _Did he just-?_

"What case?" demands Liz.

"I’ll tell you everything as soon as your guardian dog lets me in."

Liz looks at Ressler. His knuckles are white for all the strength he’s using to hold the door, and he’s so mad she’s sure he’s seeing red now  _(no pun intended, of course)_.

"Don?"

Ressler takes a deep breath, shakes his head with defeat, and steps away from the door.

"You’re gonna like this case Lizzie." Red says once he puts a foot inside the house. "It’s full with international people and profiling. Maybe you should call Agent Malik, her friends at the CIA are gonna love it."

"I’m gonna get changed." Declares Ressler while Red goes to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee like always. He’s gonna let Liz deal with this for now, it’s easier to get Red’s information in one conversation if he’s not around to make fun of him.

Liz strokes his arm when he passes by her side, gives him a small kiss and mutters an  _"I’m sorry"_. Ressler smiles at her. It’s not her fault that their plans for the sunday are now ruined, Red just appears to know whenever he has to show up to piss him off.

He’s half way to their bedroom when Red’s voice echoes in all the house.

"This kitchen smells like smoke. Did Donald burned the dinner last night?"


	2. The one where Red catches them making out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is not easy when Raymond Reddington is your father-in-law.
> 
> _(AKA The Wonderful Adventures of the Keenlerton Family.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for all the mistakes you’ll probably find.
> 
> *Some of them are based on [tumblr asks](http://bridgestars.tumblr.com/ask).

His palms are not sweating and the back of his neck doesn’t feel like burning with embarrassment. No, of course no,  _why would they?_

It’s not like someone just caught him making out with Liz on the couch.

_(That someone being Red.)_

It’s silly because he’s a thirty-something FBI agent, he shouldn’t be embarrassed like a teenager but he can’t help it.

Red is looking at them from the door, one eyebrow raised, the fedora on his left hand and a look of _"Seriously? This is what you do when I leave you two alone for five seconds?"_  on his face.

_(It really feels like he’s back in highschool and has been caught by his girlfriend’s father.)_

Liz, who is still on top of him, her hair tickling his face and her checks with a light hint of pink (which makes him feel better because it’s obvious he’s not the only one embarrassed by this whole situation), looks at Red annoyed.

_(Ressler doesn’t want to think about how he must look right now. His tie is long gone, maybe lost behind one of the cushions on the couch, half of the buttons on his shirt are undone, as well as his belt, and he’s pretty sure he has hickey and teeth mark on his neck. The fact that Red just caught him like that is mortifying because he’s sure he’s never going to hear the end of it.)_

"Do you mind?" Liz says, pointing at the door.

"As a matter of fact,  _I do_ ,” Red answers, walking into the room and leaving the fedora on a table.

Liz rolls her eyes, but doesn’t move an inch from where she’s sitting on top of Ressler. Not that Donald wants her to move anyway, so no complains from him.

"You know I don’t have money problems, Lizzie," Red says, getting closer to them and moving his arms while speaking. "But it makes me  _incredibly mad_ that you are making me pay for a four bedrooms suite when it’s obvious we only need three.”


	3. The one where Red saves Ressler (and is his father-in-law)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is not easy when Raymond Reddington is your father-in-law.
> 
> _(AKA The Wonderful Adventures of the Keenlerton Family.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for all the mistakes you’ll probably find.
> 
> *Some of them are based on [tumblr asks](http://bridgestars.tumblr.com/ask).

"I can’t believe you got kidnapped,  _again_.”

Ressler lifts his head. He’s tied up to a chair with some Italian guy beating the crap out of him, blood dripping from his chin to the floor,  _of course Red is going to show up now._

"Reddington? What are you doing here?" His captor asks, the surprised obvious in his voice.

"Hi Michael, how is the wife? And the mistress?" Red turns to look at Ressler. "His wife makes the best raviolis I’ve ever tasted. Maybe we can go and have dinner together one day, forget this big misunderstanding. What do you say Michael?"

"What do you want, Red?" The guy asks again. "This has nothing to do with you."

"I would like to get my son-in-law back, if you don’t mind."

Ressler rolls his eyes. He’s tired of having this conversation, _he really, really is._

"For the  _thousandth time_ , I’m not your-“

The punch on the face doesn’t let him finish. Ressler open his mouth and his jaw makes a cracking sound, going back to its place.

_Liz is going to kill him._

"Your son-in-law?" Michael asks confused, and then puts a gun against Ressler’s right temple. "He’s an FBI agent!"

Red turns to look at Ressler again, a hand on his chest.

"What!? Donald,  _is that true?_ " He asks with faked astonishment. " _How could you?_  What I’m going to tell poor Lizzie now? She’s going to be  _heartbroken_.”

Before anyone can react Red takes a gun from his back and shoots Michael in the head.

"And there goes my chance to eat those wonderful raviolis again," he says sadly.

Dembe is behind Ressler within seconds, setting him free.

"I’m seriously tired of this kidnapping thing, Donald. Just ask Lizzie to tie you to the bed if you like it so much."


	4. The one where Red has a granddaughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is not easy when Raymond Reddington is your father-in-law.
> 
> _(AKA The Wonderful Adventures of the Keenlerton Family.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for all the mistakes you’ll probably find.
> 
> *Some of them are based on [tumblr asks](http://bridgestars.tumblr.com/ask).

_His heart is beating a hundred of times per second._

"Pick up. Come on, pick up," he says while nervously tapping on the steering wheel with his fingers.

_Here’s the thing._ Liz is at the other side of the country with Samar working on a case, so it’s Ressler’s turn to pick up Peggy from the daycare. As it usually happens while working on a case, Ressler was a little bit late so he called to inform them.

What they told him almost froze the blood in his veins.

_"Oh, don’t worry. Her grandpa already came for her."_

_What the fuck?_ Her grandpa?

_His daughter doesn’t have a grandpa!_

It takes him almost two minutes of panicking and screaming over the phone, threatening to suit that fucking place for handing over his daughter to a complete stranger, before he realizes what is going on.

_He is going to kill him._

"Yes," Dembe finally says at the other end of the phone.

"Where the hell is  _he!?”_

*********

He opens the door of the DMV office with a loud bang.

"Hey, you can’t get in here like that," Glen complains, getting up and pointing at Ressler. "You have to wait like everybody else!"

"Calm down, Glen," Red says without even turning to look at the door. "He’s with me."

There’s a strawberry blonde baby sitting on his lap, a lollipop in her hands and a fedora so big on top of her head that Ressler can only see the end of the pigtails that he made for her that morning.

"Oh, thank God." Ressler picks up Peggy from Red’s lap, holding her tight against his chest and kissing her head softly (he throws the fedora back to Red because  _what the hell is his daughter doing with that thing?_   _No_ ). “Hi, sweetheart. How are you?”

The baby makes a content sound in his arms  _and his heart melts._

"I don’t care," Glen continues. "This is the DMV office, everybody has to wait in line. If we start letting people in like that soon this is going to be an anarchy!"

"Don’t be overdramatic," Red replies, his attention more focused on the baby on Ressler’s arms than in Glen.

"You’re going to have to buy me another vending machine if that happens."

Red narrows his eyes.

"I’m not going to spend another dollar in that hellhole you call waiting room."

Glen opens his mouth to say something, but Ressler cuts him.

"What the hell were you thinking!?" he screams at Red.

"Language, Donald."

"I don’t give a damn about language right know. You can’t just pick up Peggy from the daycare without saying anything!" He shakes his head. "No, wait, you can’t pick up Peggy, period."

There’s a very short list of people Ressler trusts to take care of Peggy (Aram, Cooper, Dembe…), and Red is definitely not on that list.

"You and Lizzie are busy with the case, so I thought it would be nice to spend the rest of the afternoon with  _my only granddaughter_.”

_Here we go again with that thing._

Ressler takes a deep breath.

"I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that-"

"She is your grandbaby?" Glen asks surprised.

"Of course she’s my grandchild," Red answers. "What did you think I was doing with a baby if she’s not my granddaughter?"

"She’s not your-"

"I thought you just kidnapped her or something, but I wasn’t gonna ask anything."

_"Why would I kidnap a baby!?"_ Red asks perplexed.

"I don’t know," Glen says, shrugging his shoulders. "You’re the criminal, you should know."

_"I don’t kidnap babies, Glen!"_

"Okay, don’t be like that. I’m sure the FBI would be happy to hear it."

"She’s  _not_ your granddaughter,” Ressler finally says, annoyed of having to repeat that again  _and again_.

"Of course Maggie’s my granddaughter. Don’t be silly, Donald," Red tells him and Ressler clenches his teeth because  _her name is ‘Peggy’ not ‘Maggie’_. “And although she’s the only one I have right now, I let you know that I expect some more in a not too distant future.”

"Oh, so this is your son-in-law?" Glen asks pointing at Ressler.

_He hates his life._


	5. The one where Ressler says that Red is his father-in-law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is not easy when Raymond Reddington is your father-in-law.
> 
> _(AKA The Wonderful Adventures of the Keenlerton Family.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for all the mistakes you’ll probably find.
> 
> *Some of them are based on [tumblr asks](http://bridgestars.tumblr.com/ask).

Cooper sends him to get more information about the case from Red, which is a  _very stupid move_. Even if Red tells him something (and he’s not sure he’s going to do it) he’s probably going to hide it under layers of teasing, because  _that’s what he does_. But anyway, Liz and Aram (the second best choice to get intel from Red, he seems to have a soft spot for the guy) were busy so Ressler has to do it.

The guy at the pastry shop (a gigantic muscleman) looks at him unamused.

"I’m here to see Reddington," Ressler says with his best FBI pose (without flashing his badge, of course,  _he’s not stupid_ ).

"I don’t know who that is," the guy behind the counter answers without blinking. "Would you like a cupcake to go?"

Ressler frowns his eyebrows annoyed.  _He really doesn’t have time for this crap._

"Listen,  _pal_ ,” he tries again. “I know what is going on behind that door, and I don’t care. I just need to speak with Reddington.”

"And as I said before," muscleman replies, leaning against the counter.  _"Would you like a cupcake to go?"_

By now Ressler is pretty sure the guy is holding a gun under the counter, ready to shoot him at any second.

_Fuck._

He knows what he has to do to get in, but  _he doesn’t want to do it_. If he does  _that_  his life is going to be over,  _forever_. There is no turning back from this, it’s a point of no return.The teasing will never finish. He has been avoiding it for so long,  _so long_ , he can’t believe he’s going to have to do it now.

_He’s going to open the doors of his personal hell, this case better be worthy._

"Tell Red that  _his son-in-law_  is here to see him,” he says with a strong voice and his hands on his hips.

_He’s going to regret this_. He’s sure of it.

Muscleman studies him for a second, trying to figure out if what he’s saying is true, and then gets the brown phone on the counter. Well,  _at least is working_. Ressler can only pick up some words like  _“son-in-law”_  and  _“tall, blond and angry”_  before the guy hangs up the phone and turns to look at him.

"Mr Reddington is waiting for you."

Ressler nods as a thank you and gets inside the room. Red is there, sitting at a round table with four other men and smoking a cigar.

"Oh, do you guys know Donald?" Red says, turning to look at him with a mischievous smile. " _My son-in-law._ ”

_He’s never going to live this down._


	6. The one where Liz tells Ressler that she's pregnant (and Red already knows)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is not easy when Raymond Reddington is your father-in-law.
> 
> _(AKA The Wonderful Adventures of the Keenlerton Family.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so I’m sorry for all the mistakes you’ll probably find.
> 
> *Some of them are based on [tumblr asks](http://bridgestars.tumblr.com/ask).

_He knows something is wrong._

It’s Saturday and he’s making lasagna for dinner when Liz walks into the kitchen and tells him she’s going to give Peggy a bath. Ressler raises an eyebrow,  _it’s his turn to bath Peggy on Saturdays._

"I don’t mind doing it," Liz says with a bright smile. "And you’re busy with dinner anyway."

That’s when he knows something is  _definitely_  wrong.

_Liz hates bath time even more than Peggy._

**_****_ **

Peggy is already asleep (Liz let him have the  _“story time”_  moment before taking her to bed,  _and it wasn’t his turn_ ) and they’re having dinner when Ressler notices another thing.

_Liz is not having a glass of wine._

He doesn’t say anything because it’s not such a big deal, maybe she doesn’t feel like having wine today, but then Liz starts playing with her food instead of eating  _and okay, that’s it._

"What’s wrong?" He asks her.

Liz stops moving her food around the plate and looks at him.

"What? Nothing is wrong."

Ressler raises an eyebrow, because after all these years she still thinks he’s going to believe that _"nothing is bothering me"_  crap.  _He knows her._

Liz takes a deep breath before speaking.

"How do you feel about having another kid?"

Ressler stares at her, blinking a few times.

_So that’s what it was bothering her._

Well, he doesn’t understand why she was so worried because of course he would like to have more kids. Peggy is three, almost four, and she’s more independent with each passing day  _(the other night she said she didn’t need Mr Rabbit to sleep and Ressler almost had a heart attack)_. It’s the perfect moment to start working on a little brother or sister. The adoption process can take at least two years sometimes, so if they want to have another baby before Peggy is six they should start filling the papers now.

"I think it would be wonderful."

He starts making a mental list of things they need: call the agency, fill the paperwork, the interviews…

"Great," Liz says, taking a bite of her lasagna. "Because I’m pregnant."

There’s a clang sound when Ressler’s fork hits the table.

"Wait…  _What?”_

**_****_ **

_They decide to wait until the end of the first trimester to start telling people._

Well,  _Liz decides to wait_  until the end of the first trimester, Ressler is not so happy about it.

He would love to walk into Cooper’s office and tell him the news, because then Liz would probably be on desk duty for the next few months and not running around chasing dangerous criminals.

If he doesn’t do it it’s just because he loves Liz and she would  _kill him._

Because according to Liz, he’s  _overreacting._

_He is not._

She’s fucking  _pregnant_. There’s a fucking  _baby_  growing inside her. Of course he’s going to worry.

And well, yes, maybe he worries too much, but he never thought he would have to deal with  _this_.

( _This_  being the pregnancy.)

The thing is that he just assumed that they would adopt all their kids, so he was not prepared for this. Don’t get him wrong, he is happy,  _ecstatic_ , but everything is so different from when they had Peggy. With Peggy they only had to worry about getting the nursery ready, but now… now there are tons of shit they need to take care and he can’t stop worring about every single one of them.

_The first one being Liz and the baby._

And they weren’t even trying,  _for fuck’s sake._

(It’s like a  _"congratulations for all the great sex"_  present from the universe.)

Ressler walks into his office just to find that Red is already there.

"What do you want now?" he asks exasperate.

He doesn’t have time for Red right now, he has other things to worry about.

_(What if the baby is allergic to nuts and Liz has a peanut butter sandwinch?)_

"I believe congratulations are in order," Red says from his seat at Liz’s desk.

Ressler shakes his head.  _Of course he knows._

_Is there anything in this world that Red doesn’t know?_

"You know."

"Of course I know," Red says like it was obvious. "Lizzie has been excusing herself to go to the toilet at least three times every morning, and although I believe you are a bad cook  _you can’t be that bad_.”

Don’t listen to Red,  _he’s great._

"So," Red says with a big and mischievous smile. "How do you feel about _'Raymond'_  for a boy?

"No way in hell," Ressler answers with his hands on his waist.

_Samuel Raymond Ressler is born 6 months later._


End file.
